I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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