HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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