if you like me you must not know who I am
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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