Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
