hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
