I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
