i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
