we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
