I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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