chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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