I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
