Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
