And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
