Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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