FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You ruined the universe
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
