so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
