He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
