I haven't been this sober since birth.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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