but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
