Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
this is an emotional support booty call
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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