I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
