he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
