I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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