You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
