and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
