Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
