I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
