I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Your penis caused this!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
