AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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