just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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