I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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