why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
