I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
