I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
