Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize