brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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