Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
