Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
