I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize