At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
