okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
