You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize