Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this just has baby written all over it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
