Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this beer tastes like vomit already
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
