I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
