Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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