I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
