I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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