You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
