I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
