I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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