I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
