youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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