Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
