It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
