the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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