you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
