lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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