Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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