May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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