Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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