i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
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