I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
