Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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