Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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