FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
