Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize