i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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