i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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