forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
