She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
