You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
