Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
