I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
