I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
