My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize