...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
